Tag Archives: musings

The Rapture And Other Things – Stop Yanking My Chain


There I was; waiting patiently at work for the rapture to begin, thinking wistfully about the usual (no cook) Saturday night Chicken Kebab that I won’t have a chance to eat, nor sadly ever eat again (unless fast food is served in heaven/hell of course).  Well it was a few minutes late already; and one always has to allow for discrepancies in individual clock settings, but woe is me, after all that gearing myself up, saying goodbye to loved ones, making sure there was enough dried cat stuff in the bowl for puss to eat until she could get her fat ass into gear and catch her own food, nothing at all happened.

I have to say I’m really getting sick and fed up with having my chain continuously yanked. There does not seem to be a single day that goes by whereby, we the people are reliably  ‘informed’ by the so-called ‘brightest’ and ‘best’  regarding ‘events’ ; that unfortunately turn out to be a complete crock of shit and it’s really very disappointing you know.

The MET Office told me last week that we would be having a mini heat wave this weekend; so yesterday morning before work I got my shorts out, rustled up the garden chairs ready for an in the garden reading in the sun sort of day, today.   I woke up to much, much lower temps than average for this time of year, sheet rain of an intensity normally experienced in February and bloody hailstones the size of golf balls.  You see where I’m going with this?

Talking about weather, that inveigler, (call me god), Al Gore and his slimy bunch of non-scientists that make up the cabal of lazy racketeers on the IPCC told me that the world was facing a real planetary emergency due to the correlation between CO² and earth temperatures; that when there is more carbon dioxide, the temperature gets warmer and that if we didn’t do something we would ruin the planet.

Al Gore and the IPCC shared the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for their movie about how man-made carbon-dioxide emissions were causing run away global warming, and how together we could rise to the challenge and beat this terrible problem; so of course I had to do my bit by agreeing to eventually be taken back to the dark ages; and give them all my money, in the meantime I installed solar panels, which have just been smashed to bits by the hailstones and have not saved any electricity at all I might add because instead of getting warmer, it’s getting colder.

Tony Blair and numerous other consummate liars told me that Saddam Hussein was a very ‘bad man’ and that he and Iraq were complicit in 9/11 and that not only that, Iraq also had these awful weapons of mass destruction that could reach the UK  within 45 minutes and that it was ever so important to make our soldiers invade that country as soon as possible, kill and torture as many civilians as humanly possible and ultimately steal all their resources to make us all safe.  So I thought ‘oh my goodness’ we must stop him and inadvertently facilitated mass murder.

Talking about consummate liars, I was told by the brightest and best recently that unless I bailed out the Bankers we faced global economic collapse; and that it was up to me to give them all my money to ensure that this wouldn’t happen.

I was shocked to the core, so I agreed wholeheartedly to let them use my money and that of my children, future grandchildren and great-grandchildren to paper over the massive cracks, to allow them to continue giving themselves morally bankrupt bonuses, continue with currency betting, not implement any levy on future financial dealings to curb the power of the City, or a Tobin tax, or false wealth accumulations, or yet use the Western stimulus spending  to sustain world infrastructure, nor really change anything; but my government, nor the financial sector elites would ever lie to me, so I mustn’t complain when the paper covering the cracks unravels and there are no jobs, can’t feed my family,  and am subsequently, catapulted into WW3; it’s not their fault.

President Obama told me he had killed that other very ‘bad man’ Osama Bin Laden the other day; so I was very pleased and took to the streets in celebration.  President Obama also told me he had to quickly bury Bin Laden at sea; to ensure that even though he had apparently brought about the deaths of 3000 of US civilians, and even though the US had paraded the bodies of many other ‘bad’ Muslims on TV; and even though President Obama is currently not respecting Muslims in Syria, Libya, Palestine and just about any and every Muslim Country in the Middle East; he had to be buried according to Muslim culture and beliefs out of respect.  I nodded my head and thought what a considerate man President Obama is.

President Obama also told me that he endorsed a major Palestinian demand today for the borders of its future state and told  Israel to accept that it can never have a truly peaceful nation that is based on “permanent occupation.”   I was so happy to hear this; even though President Obama, since taking office, has always been in the bend over and let Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu give it to me in the ass with the biggest dildo ever featured in my Ann Summers catalogue, craven unconditional support to Israel, position. I remain in awe of his stance as a bravely consistent president.

I just don’t know how many more disappointments I can take (sigh).

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